Megan,

It seems like just yesterday when I got the news and my whole world changed. Since then I've tried to bury the past, bury everything that I once knew. I ran away from everything, and have tried to drown everything I couldn't run from in alchohol.

I realize now that I have been throwing my life away. In the course of trying to find myself, instead of confronting and resolving my issues I have run from them, buried them and abused myself. I know that you would not have wanted me to do that, and that it would hurt you to see me to so.

I finally realize for the first time that life is nothing but a challenge. I can either let it win, or I can stand up and confront it head on. I know that through my own will I can defeat any challenge that comes my way. You helped teach me that, by reflecting on how you used to view life and all your stubborness that used to infuriate me so much.

We were the best of friends when we were little. We drifted apart as I started to sink into my depression, and began to resent you for so many reasons I still do not fully understand. I am glad for what little time we had together, for the fact that after all the cruelty and anger I showed you, you forgave me and we did become friends again.

I cannot believe that it was this day five years ago that you died. I miss you so much. I still cry sometimes. I cry because I miss you, and because you never got to experience so much that this life had to offer. I am glad though, that you were able to move on in your journey to your next life. Hopefully it treats you well.

I can only push forward now. Live day to day and hold on to the memories. There is so much more I want to say, so much that I wish I could have said. I love you and I miss you Megan. May your future, where ever it may lead you, be as bright as your ever present smile was, and may it cheer the hearts of those you encounter, as it did mine.

Love,

Your brother.

PS. The lyrics to a song that makes me choke up whenever I hear it. While its not about death, it is appropriate.

Nixons - Sister

Here I am again,
Overwhelming feelings
A thousand miles away
From your ocean home
Part of me is near

Thoughts of what we were invade
The miles that stand between
We can't separate
Your all I hoped you'd become

Sister I see you
Dancing on the stage
Of memory
Sister I miss you

Fleeting visits pass
Still they satisfy
Reminders of the next
Overshadow goodbye
Our flames burn as one

Sister I see you
Dancing on the stage
Of memory
Sister I miss you

All I am begins with you
Thoughts of hope understood
Half of me breathes in you
Thoughts of love remain true

Here we are again saying goodbye
Still we fall asleep underneath the same sky
You're all I knew you'd become

Sister I see you
Dancing on the stage
Of memory
Sister I miss you

Entwined, you and I
Our souls speak from across the miles
Intertwined, you and I
Our blood flows from the same inside
Half of me, breathes in you
Thoughts of love remain true

I see you, I feel you
When I close my eyes
I see walking there...
I see you dancing in my mind
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Posted in memory of my sister, Megan Lindsay, March 10, 1984 - August 31, 2001.